Tags: child

Ren

Exhaling

It is something shitty to be holding your breath over the birth of your child.

I'm not talking about the nervousness that most engaged parents must feel when they're expecting, but an agitation that just won't quit, a feeling like you're constantly flinching, cringing, just waiting for that bad news. After our experiences last December Michelle and I have been a little apprehensive about this pregnancy. We'd gotten our hopes up so high last time only to get them dashed then crushed and that made us a little gun-shy this time, I think.

I know that both of us went in to our first ultrasound appointment afraid that we'd see another cystic hygroma and we'd have to live last year all over again. When we didn't see one we started to get hopeful, talking more about the future, letting ourselves have a little hope. The results of the first blood test, combined with the nuchal fold ultrasound, were promising; a 1-in-270 chance of Down's, an even lower chance of Turner's, and more talks about the future were happening. Names were chosen, discussions about parenting styles, further discussion about our kid's future than we'd ever gotten with Pod (and thinking about that still hurts).

Today we went in for the amniocentesis and things are better, much, much better. Kid is moving about, long-limbed, with all the requisite bits in the right places. Two eyes, nose, no hair lip (a minor thing but, hey, the tech still looked for it). Heart is developing nicely, heart beat is strong, and the stomach is full of fluid as it should be. It's kind of incredible to watch the kid move about on the ultrasound; the clarity of the pictures on the screen is kind of astounding compared to what I remember when my parents took me to an ultrasound appointment when my mom was pregnant with my sister.

The final results of the nuchal fold tests? Chance of Down's is 1-in-4k. We'll take those odds.

We're also, apparently, having a boy as it was pretty obvious to the ultrasound tech.

His name will be Connor Michael.

We're not done yet but it feels good to finally be able to exhale.

I'm cross-posting here and over on Dreamwidth at The Mad Ramblings. Feel free to comment in either place.